35 things I know about friendship at age 35

Female friendship, specifically. They can be a LOT.

I didn’t realise how many *thoughts* I had about female friendships until I started to note them down in preparation for this piece. For the sake of a punchy title, I’ve narrowed it down, but after getting feedback from my lovely, engaged and honest Instagram followers, I had MUCH food for thought.

I have never gotten such an immediate or more impassioned response to any topic I’ve asked for feedback on. Some of the replies were lovely (“If you want to jump, they’ll let you. But they’ll also catch you if you fall” – how eloquent?) but some of them made me immensely sad (“girls are b*tches, trust no one” and “not everyone values your friendship the way you value theirs” and the saddest of all “Even when you think nothing can break a friendship, it happens”).

I am 35 years old, and I probably formed what could be considered my first friendship aged four? Maybe 5? The first proper friend I remember having was Claire O’Connell – we took pictures together in our communion dresses before either of us grew into our teeth, and are still friends on Facebook now – I see her running marathons as I’m sure she sees bits from my life. My most recently developed friendships are with people who live close to me that I immediately clicked with, all of us in our late 30s, 40s, and some of those I can already tell will be longstanding.

For over three decades I’ve been navigating these winding friendship streets, without a compass or the aid of Google Maps, knowing only that finding my way to my destination was important – nay – imperative.

I’m about to share a deep, deep fear of mine. One that, until just this week, resided in the shadows of my brain and crossed my mind only fleetingly; easily dismissed. One I have literally never vocalised to anyone out of fear that giving voice to it would bring it into being.