ARCHIVE: I hate talking about money (but here's why I will from now on)
It turns out, sex is the second last taboo.
As some of you may know, not least because I assault the internet with pleas to listen, I have a podcast. It's about sex and relationships - something people (Irish people in particular, it seems) hate discussing. It deals with issues that we ALL face and we ALL have an interest in, but thinking about it feels like that moment when you're watching a movie with your parents and a sex scene comes on. Uncomfortable, unnecessary, awkward.
That's why I started it, though. To pull the duvet back on the cringe. But I've yet to reach any level of comfort when it comes to another vital topic.
MONEY.
The phrase 'A Garda wouldn't ask me that!' springs to mind when I think about someone asking me what I make, what I spend, what I spend it on. It's drilled into all of us that you just don't talk about it other than in general terms.
I'm broke! This was on sale! I'm living for payday! That sort of thing. And in a typically Irish way, most money talk has to be self-deprecating. You find yourself justifying purchases to yourself and anyone who'll listen - I'm guilty of that.
Shouldn't it be more a case of "it's my money, I'll spend it how I please, it's not your business if that is or isn't in a responsible fashion?"
I've a very private aunt (for whom the concept of Patreon, Instagram, social media in general is abhorrent) who trained me as a young person to, upon receiving a compliment on a piece of clothing, respond with 'thank you, it was a gift', so as to remove all possibility that someone would know whether my outfit was Penneys or Prada. Before her training, my response to the compliment - to deflect the niceness away from me like a stone hitting a dash window - I would've said "This? €2. It was on sale, basically free, and I look shite in it too. HAHAHA."
IS SHARING CARING?
Widely used website Glassdoor.com would be out of business tomorrow if we weren't all so rattled when it comes to sharing what salary we're on.
In my industry (media), and in the freelance segment of it specifically, everyone would benefit - aside from maybe the businesses hiring freelancers - if we all shared our rates. But the companies that hire us know we won't, and so we're volunteering ourselves to be swindled.
We're letting companies underpay us, pay us late, pay us in part, or not pay us at all because we're what, too embarrassed to speak up about €€€€?
And it's not just earnings. It's 'how much is your rent?' 'how much of a mortgage do you have?'. For someone to put your lifestyle in perspective, and to not feel like an absolute failure, it'd probably be helpful for them to know that you got your deposit for your massive gaff from a mysteriously wealthy relative.
It's like Carrie in Sex and the City. She lived in a brownstone apartment in Manhattan and wrote one column a week. She ABSOLUTELY had a generous old uncle funding her Manolo addiction, amirite? If I knew that info, I wouldn't have felt so bad about my own situation.
PAY ME NOW?
I had an experience recently where I was owed a (low) five figure sum from a company I work for regularly. They didn't respond to a single email I sent over the course of eight months (EIGHT MONTHS) regarding payment, and because I'm so scared of losing a commission, I didn't want to be the squeaky wheel and set my solicitor on their ass.
Instead, I struggled away until eventually, after a visit to the company's HQ, they paid me two thirds of what was owing. There's layers to that whole situation, but it comes down to this.
THE RUB
The world DOES NOT run on inspirational quotes, well wishes or promises of payments on Mystical f*cking Monday. It runs on money.
No financial problem I've ever encountered could be solved by a meme encouraging me to drink coffee, smile, live laugh and bloody love. Money matters, and so it should be talked about. I shouldn't feel afraid to ask for payment for work I've done, you shouldn't feel afraid to request payment for the 30 hours overtime you did, and no one should be working for free.
More money talk means fewer chances for anyone to be swindled.
OPEN FOR BUSINESS
With the above in mind, here are some small steps I'm planning to take in 2020 to take my own advice and become more open about money.
- If another freelancer asks my rate for a job, I will share it
- If someone I know wants to know how much I earn for a genuine reason, I will tell them
- When I decide to buy something I either need or want, I will avoid feeling guilty
- Learn more about money, educate myself on how to make it work for me
- Stop feeling fear or shame about money (easier said than done, I grant you)
There's a lack of knowledge about money matters that is quite terrifying considering how omnipotent it is. We're not taught much about it in school, apart from some entirely makey-uppey budget in Business Studies where all we pay for is a low ESB bill and two cartons of milk.
There are very few things in life that cause more stress and anxiety (and also joy, let's call a spade a spade) than money, and so maybe 2020 should be the year we open it up for discussion?
A.
Would love a refresh of this piece on how things have or have not changed 3 years later, particularly with the madness of the pandemic in the mix.