Does your brain have too many tabs open?
Mine too. Here's how to reframe things so you can do a system reset on yourself
Hello.
I am both early and late this week. Late, if you’re counting last Thursday as this post’s due date. Early if you’re counting this coming Thursday as when it’s for. The reason is simple: I’m a little stressed.
Please, please tell me I’m not the only one feeling this.
I have a lot going on, as do so many of us, but the weight of it all is catching up on me and where once I thought I was thriving I’m now kind of failing in certain situations. I categorise things into these groups, rightly or wrongly, and when one is flying, the others inevitably start to weaken:
Husband/Child
Taking care of my home (cooking/cleaning/washing etc)
Work (Poco Beauty)
Other work (podcast, Substack)
Family and friends
Exercise and self-care
Chill time
If I was to give myself stars out of five for all of the above, I’m not currently ranking above a three on anything. I’m so busy with work that I’m neglecting my domestic duties. I’m trying to get time with my husband and time with Lydia but it’s tough when she goes to bed at 7pm and by the time D and I have both trained we are too exhausted for anything else. I think the phrase I’m looking for is ‘spread too thin’. And like my friend Lia wrote about before, I’m doing too much and heading for burnout, but financially I don’t have a huge amount of other options right now. I have to keep going.
Work is brilliant but frantic. My ever-growing to-do list feels insurmountable and I so want to do a great job. I’m absolutely not giving my friends enough time and I carry a HUGE amount of guilt around that. Exercise is kind of the only constant, because without it I think I’d descend into a full nervy B. And as for chill time? I tried that at the weekend. I went to a spa for a night with my bestie and her sister and while it was amazing to be away, the tabs in my brain were only on pause. I whipped open the laptop to work while sitting in the lobby of the hotel, and was scarcely off my phone the whole time.
I feel like I’m running at speed through every day, never taking a second to stop and process anything, least of all how I feel or how I am. Any little disagreement with my husband sets me off, and into absolute panic mode. I feel immense guilt that he’s been picking up the slack for me at home the last while, doing more than his fair share of household and childcare duties, while also working full time.
At the moment, I just don’t feel like I’m coping well and I felt like I needed to write it down to take some of the power out of it.
So there’s allllll this, and then you go online and see someone absolutely nailing it and looking stunning all the while, and just think, HOW?!
OH AND – that’s before I even mention the state of the world: Palestine, Ukraine, the US election race… These play on constant loop in my head, a low level hum that fills my head during any moments of quiet. The privilege I (and most people reading this) carry is also a guilt I bear daily.
Stress is a word that often carries a negative connotation, evoking images of frazzled nerves and overwhelming pressure. But my husband told me recently that the way we perceive stress can significantly impact how it affects us. He said (and he often makes things like this up to mess with me – he once told me Elton John cast Taron Egerton in Rocketman after hearing him singing in Sing, which is not true by the way) that research has shown that viewing stress as a positive force can lead to better health outcomes, increased productivity, and greater overall well-being. I checked, and he wasn’t making that up. It’s true. And I had been somewhat succeeding at that exact thing, until this week.
A study conducted by Harvard researchers revealed that participants who were taught to perceive their stress responses as helpful, rather than harmful, exhibited a healthier physiological profile. This group showed lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. Dr. Alia Crum, one of the lead researchers, explained, “When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body's response to it”.
Another study found that people who experienced high levels of stress and believed that stress was harmful to their health had a 43% increased risk of premature death. The key word there? Believed. They believed stress was harmful, therefore it was. The opposite was true for those who saw stress as not being impactful and as a motivational thing.
Given the obvious power of our mindset – see above – it stands to reason that by doing the five things listed below, we (and I!) should be able to flip the switch on stress and make it work with us instead of against us. IN THEORY. Here we go: