Your body, my choice

The micro moments where we could – but often don't – step in to prevent misogyny

Hello and welcome back to The Outfluencer, there are lots of new subscribers since last week (THANK YOU!) and I just wanted to say hi and say I’m glad you’ve chosen to sign up. Enjoy this week’s piece, which isn’t very festive at all I’m afraid, and I’ll be back next week with more.

On a recent night out, I overheard some of a conversation between a man I know and a couple of the women I was out with. I didn’t hear it all, and I wasn’t part of it, but essentially what happened was, the man was talking about how he “wouldn’t go near” another women we’re all friends with because of a couple of her physical attributes that he decided he didn’t like. The things he said were offensive, untrue and would’ve been very hurtful had they been said to the person directly. Hideous behaviour to even think about someone that way. But that didn’t stand out to me as the worst part of what was said.

He said it all, including the declaration that he “wouldn’t touch her”, with this putrid, disgusting arrogance, as if it was solely HIS decision as to whether he would choose to “go near” her, or in his head, offer to have sex with her, I guess? As if she has no agency, as if she would be so lucky, and as if he was so irresistible and dominant that we all, as women, are just awaiting his advances. As if we’re sitting, lined up on a bench at the sideline of a school disco, hoping the popular boy choses us to dance with.

The f*cking entitlement. It made my skin crawl.

However, horrible as his comments and his attitude to women clearly were, something even more disappointing followed – and I ended up horrified at myself.